I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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