3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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