You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
