Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
