Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
