So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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