The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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