The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
