How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your shirt... Was in my pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
