trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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