I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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