can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
