Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
