The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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