Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
