Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
