is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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