I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
