You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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