i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
