Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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