im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Randomize
