I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Come share oat with me in your robe
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
