how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
