and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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