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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up.  I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah...you probably will...

  (248): View more from Michigan

  well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.

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• (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

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• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I learned so much about myself in that shower.

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• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  That sucks

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it

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