she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
