Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
