Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
