After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.