Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
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Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
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I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it