the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
