i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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