maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
