a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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