Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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