Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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