Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
