Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize