Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
