I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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