yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone came in the potted fern
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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