awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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