I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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