wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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