I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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