You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
