I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
