my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
