apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bring money and cleavage
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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