today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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