maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
