You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Randomize
