everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
