After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
