I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
