dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
