Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
