my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
