he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
