i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
