Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
