It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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