You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
