I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
