Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
