We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
