I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
