I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
