vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
