she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
