I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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