Im at strip club and am horny
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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