So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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