I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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