So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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