I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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