Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
