I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
